TRUST

Fifht publication in the Change Acceleration series

Let yourself experience feelings without fear and start trusting them.

Our barriers to let positivity come to us, or to give the positivity to others comes from resistance to our feelings. We are not accustomed to experience them fully. To be precise; from Something that blocks our feelings from flowing. We become anxious whenever unfamiliar internal experience emerges in us, inside of us. We do not trust others when they do not engage their feelings into their actions. We only trust people when they are fully with their hearts (feelings), their minds (beliefs) and their bodies (actions). So how to build trust if we have difficulty in acknowledging feelings?

Being raised as a male I had one simple message from my family: do not be so touchy, do not feel, be quiet, boys are boys, boys don't cry. So I have hidden my feelings totally for 40 years. Various life experiences, sometimes very difficult ones, were pushing me to hide feelings even more. Every time I have hidden them, Something else was accumulated; covering up Myself more and more. On top of that my mind created lots of thoughts and beliefs that helped me survive and not to feel. So the internal shield become really huge. I was easily getting bored when the challenge was low. In consequence in order to feel anything, any enthusiasm, I had to be with larger and larger teams. Only a company of large grop of enthusiastic people, ambitious vision or an intensive and risky physical activity were letting me feel excited.

When I meet managers; both male and female; at my work, I see a lot of similarities (to some extend) in their way of experiencing life and approaching themselves. Feelings paralyze them even though they want to be able to feel. When they experience high ethusiasm in the group not related directly to the objective, they try immediately to take control of the situation by talking, overtaking and getting the discussion back on track. It is universal to men and women in leadership roles, even though female leaders have more access to their feelings then male leaders. Being in the leadership role; working in the environment with other rational, controlling people; we are forced to mentally adapt. Something forces us to shut down our feelings and focus on rational thinking.

When feelings pops up; start flowing in relationship, or within the group; there already will be somebody, who has issue with them, whose natural automatic response will be to resist them. One way of resisting is to escape and withdraw from contact; trying to limit the flow of your own feelings. The other way is to attack directly or indirectly the person who brings his/her feelings to the room, so that the person shuts down. The reason for that dynamics is that when feelings flow in one person they trigger feelings in other people in the room. Feelings are contagious. When you are touched by the other person, and you are afraid of your feelings, or not accustomed to them, your mind will tighten your body or/and will jump into thinking. It is a strategy of the mind to stop the flow and to make you feel emotionally safe again.

If you want to build more trust within the team and engage true feelings into your vision you need to be more aware of your internal environment; your internal dynamics. You need to realize how your feelings are blocked and when, what is the role of the Something in the process, and what is causing you to react in a way you do not want. It took me years to learn to feel and let my feelings flow. The more I let myself feel passion, joy, love, enthusiasm, the more space in me has been created for deeper and deeper experiences. It is not always easy, but worth the effort. You will be more successful as a leader if you get in touch with your feelings.

You ability to create true relationships and true engagement will increase. You will become more happy and joyfull as a human.